All around us was gold. Stitched in between our fingers and laced within our lips, it hung thick in the air like a constant reminder. Never - not tomorrow or the next hour - will we ever be this happy, young, free, and stricken with love. So with big gulps, we took in as much as possible and blamed it on the years of teenage angst.

Sometimes it just really sucks because all I want you to do is tell me that everything’s okay but I know instead there’s silence. Silence everywhere and I don’t feel okay right now.

What a dangerous thing it is to allow someone to bring you joy; no matter who they are. Because, you see, people leave. They gradually disinigrate into something much different then what was originally there. And it’s a sad thing when it leaves, because you’re left to mend the broken bits.

And that, my friend, is a difficult thing to do.

we take this knowledge and all it bares, traveling headfirst into distances.

and my ability to do just this is somehow because of you.

I had words swimming through my mind. Sad bits and miscellaneous pieces and phrases left for other’s past lovers to decode. I had feelings, gestures, and whispering fingertip touches in my head that were tales told by many. And yet no words of my own. No words to breathe out in exasperated breaths; to pull life from me into these things and show you fragments of my mind. I had nothing to say, I have nothing left to give.

I don’t think I mind the battered too-heavy days where my mind’s a mess and you aren’t quite acting normal and we’re not as well as we thought we were from the start. I don’t mind these days because when I find the good ones, I see them as if they were honey dipped and left in the summer sunshine to warm our faces and brighten our eyes.

So I’ll endure the passive workings of conversations you don’t want to have and I’ll take what little you give me to like on these days because I know others will come shortly. And that? I don’t mind.

Home, I thoroughly believe, is anywhere in this fucking hellhole you are.

Because you make even the darkest days seem fantastic.

Those early mornings when your restless mind overpowers your aching limbs and all you can do is stare at the ceiling and just think. About everything and nothing. And I realize my growing ability to think too much has become much worse then anything I’ve ever known.

I hate being ignored. I hate being ignored more than anything in the world. Because I’d rather someone acknowledge me and treat me like crap then make me so happy and then ignore me. It’s like this constant tug and pull mixed with these unknown bits. I don’t know about anything anymore but I especially know nothing about this. And I don’t like being treated this way.

I don’t think I should apologize for my ability to fall quickly for people. Especially the good ones. It gives me more opportunities to meet people like you. And people who aren’t like you. People who I will keep forever. Close by. Always.